Today, I am thinking about balance - a balance between energy I put out or hope to/receive from external sources and energy that I channel or gather from inside myself. Most of my life, I’ve banked on most of my energy coming from outside of myself, whether it’s approval from my family, a cool new event or project, or romantic affection. Lately, I’m noticing how this imbalance leaves me feeling ragged, wanting more, like not enough.
I’ve found there is a connection between practicing this balance and feeling belonging. And so, I am working to be more mindful.
Over the last six months, I’ve been working on a meditation and yoga practice, with periods of consistency and periods of not even thinking about it.
This past month, because of major life changes, I’ve been more consistent. In that consistency, I’ve been able to reflect on and (re)realize how important it is to call my energy back to myself, especially when (inevitably) changes come along that are hard to predict or control.
Calling my energy back to myself helps me stay rooted in my own values and priorities. Clarity on these anchors allows me to identify structures and goals that help me live how I want to live, especially when life changes. So far, I’ve found it to be challenging. I am starting to get tastes of deeply satisfying. Certainly, I feel calmer, more grounded, less panicked.
There are many ways to call our energy back to ourselves. Most recently, I came across this beautiful passage and spell from Many Moons 2018 Vol 2: July-December by Modern Women that I want to share.
“The second touchpoint on this spectrum is calling in more of yourself. Taking up more space in your life. Yes, you are allowed. To exist. To cry. You are allowed to have people hear your adorably freaky laugh that sounds like a seal. You are allowed to pitch your idea. You are allowed to relax, to take a salt bath with some rosemary sprigs thrown in for good measure. You are allowed to order the extra side of whatever it is that you want. You are allowed to say no thank you and let that be that. You are allowed to ask for what you want and what you need.
Hematite is an amazing stone for this. Working with hematite reminds us that our greatest protection against psychic vampires - that come from outside and inside us - is by filling ourselves up with ourselves, cell by cell, whisker by whisker. When we fill ourselves up with so much of ourselves, there simply isn’t room for anyone else to try and steal our shine or zap our energy. We are protected.
A very effective practice begins with calling your energy back everyday verbally and psychically. You can do this anytime during your morning routine and even add it to your evening routine before bed.” [emphasis added] (41)
“I call my energy back to me. All my energy that is scattered in other places, I call back to me. All energy in my body that is now of me, I return to the earth to be transformed into something greater. I lovingly release all energy that no longer serves me. All the energy inside of my body, all the intentions I set forth is of me, for me.” (41)
She recommends doing this a least once a day, in whatever form it serves you. I do this throughout the day, especially when I’m feeling frazzled. Now that the spell is in my bones, I find I am able to reclaim my energy by feeling my body from the inside out. I visualize my energy, like streams of white light, coming back into my body. This takes practice.
We call our energy back to ourselves so we can then nourish and be nourished by community in a more sustainable way.