Substances
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That was another good call last week. It is good to welcome all the men that are new to our effort. And it is always powerful to share our stories.
There is nothing puritanical about me. And I do my best to stay away from taking a moralistic stance on things. I grew up in a church community that held fundamentalist tendencies. And I’m still working to get over all that.
So when I invite us to consider our relationship to substances, I am not pushing the idea that abstinence is the only option. Personally, I am part of a recovery program that supports my abstinence from alcohol and marijuana. It is what works for me. And it is one of the most exciting developments in my life. I feel healthier. And free.
I also make a distinction between recreational drugs, which are bad for your body and have addictive tendencies. And what I understand to be sacred medicine. Which hold the potential for deep healing. Including healing from addiction.
I write about substances today because I know we can tend to numb ourselves. This is true for humans all around the world. But there is something about the way men turn to substances. Something about it that is connected to our diminished capacity to access the full range of human emotion. Something about it that is all about how hard it can be for us to be vulnerable, and to connect.
The worst moments of shame in my life. My most hurtful acts of patriarchy. Have been directly connected to the amount of alcohol and marijuana coming together in my body. I’m not the only one. This is a situation that repeats itself all around us, every single day.
It doesn’t seem responsible to have a conversation about conscious masculinity if we don’t pause and honestly analyze how we are using substances. You might not be the guy that acts out and harms someone’s body. But how connected are you to your partners, to your friends or to your children if those relationships are often mediated by substances. How available are you to yourself, and your own development, when you choose to numb instead of feel what you are feeling?
These are questions to honestly ask yourself. Ask them with love. And without judgement. And if you are feeling courageous, consider asking people around you. How do they see your relationship with substances? Ask people you love. And love you enough to be honest.
Find out. Let’s keep getting better.
I look forward to being with you in a couple of weeks.
Saludos,
Gibrán