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I like to say that one day I will start a church. And that I’m going to call it “The Church of Co-Evolution Through Friendship.” Friendship is sacred to me. It is a life defining practice. I am blessed to have deep, intimate relationships with other men.
When I was doing interviews for the Better Men Project, I was surprised to learn that many men have a hard time being friends with other men. They have a hard time going to deep and accountable places together.
It was after these interviews that I read adrienne’s piece:
you aren’t encouraged to have friends. activity bros are different – you may have guys you go play ball with, or drink with. you may even have men you complain to, perhaps even clichéd complaints about the demands women are making of you to gr/show up. but at a certain age all humans need mirrors, witnesses, people they can trust to hear their lives, to cut through any victim narrative and help them pivot away from behaviors that harm themselves and others. that’s literally what friends are for. women are actively doing this for each other right now, witnessing each other, reaching for our own lives, holding each other’s hands as we walk towards our power. y’all need to get in right relationship!
Do you have authentic relationships with men who want to relinquish patriarchy? Are you part of an ongoing process of co-evolution through friendship?
What can you do to build these friendships? How can you strengthen them where you do have them?
I have been “called out” and “held accountable” by men I had little of no relationship with. It was painful. And not very constructive. I have also been called to task by men I respect and love. It is a much better way to grow.