Anger & Feelings

Before launching the Better Men Project,  I interviewed as many men as I could. There were two things that I heard most frequently:

• Men do not have a lot of deep, meaningful, friendships with other men

• Men do not have a access to the full range of human emotions

These things are not inherent in our essential masculinity. They are byproducts of how we are socialized into manhood in our specific culture.

One of you sent me a link to this instagram post by Sharon Salzberg, the esteemed meditation teacher (@sharonsalzberg on IG).

Anger seems to be one of the more accessible “go to” emotions for men in our culture. We are feeling something sometimes anything, and we quickly translate it to anger. 

But as Salzberg says:

Anger is often a mix of sorrow, loss, fear, yearning and helplessness. I find that if I can sit and just be with my anger without judging it, explaining it, condemning it or holding onto it, I can come to directly see that place of helplessness

Anger is a place we go to when we feel hurt or vulnerable. What I like about her reflection is that she is inviting not to judge the emotion, but to sit with it long enough to see what’s behind it.

This is advice that turns a problem on its head. Next time you feel anger, first, seek a place of safety, a place where you are safe, but most importantly, a place where you are not a danger to others. Excuse yourself. Move away from the situation. And sit with the emotion long enough to find out what’s behind it.

This is a most honest way of coming in touch with yourself. A way of coming to know yourself. And a way to turn an emotion that is often a problem into a gateway to more freedom and better manhood.

Saludos,

Gibrán