We just celebrated Valentine’s Day. I trust you found a way to show up well. It’s a good week to remind us that we are the sort of men that say “I love you” to our male friends.
What if we take this week to practice? To do it with more intention. Instead of making it a quick replacement for “good bye,” we take an honest pause, and we say it like we mean it.
Read MoreThe journey begins tonight. We are devoting 2021 to an in depth study of King, Warrior, Magician Lover. And we are going to go step by step. We start with the introduction. Which itself makes all sort of important assertions.
Assertions about ritual, about initiation, about what has been lost and most be regained. Assertions about masculinity, femininity and what constitutes a healthy relationship to the feminine. We don’t have to agree with all of it. But it will be good to engage it.
I just finished watching “The Last Dance,” the documentary miniseries about Michael Jordan and the Chicago Bulls. I highly recommend it. It is beautifully inspiring. And it does a good job of showing the light and the shadow side of the competitive drive.
Michael Jordan is this bigger than life figure. This living idol that could deliver magic over and over again. There is a point at which he is referred to as the “alpha of alphas,” and we know how ugly that can get.
But it is almost in passing that they talk about his relationship with his security team. The first couple of times I saw them I thought to myself: those guys don’t look too tough! In fact, they are pretty old. They of course had deep experience and training. But what was moving was when they spoke about how good it was for Mike that they were elders…
Read MoreThere is something about conscious masculinity that evokes being a man of character. In my facilitation work I like to remind participants that our personality is like our nose. We are born with personality traits. Any parent among us knows that to be true.
There is not much we can do to change our personality. What matters is our character. The clarity and integrity with which we show up. How trustworthy we are. How grounded and courageous. Compassionate. Generous. In service.
Read MoreTonight we’ll focus on honing our intention to become better men in 2021. Please come to the call ready to answer the question:
How will you be a better man in 2021?
What is your intention? Your resolution? What will be your practice? How will you find support and accountability? How will others speak of your conscious masculinity by this time next year?
Read MoreDo you know men who are interested in nurturing a more conscious masculinity? Invite them to be part of The Better Men Project. We are trying something new in 2021.
The Better Men Project is a heart project. It is a work of atonement for my own sins of patriarchy. It launched about two years ago. We have a monthly call, which is pure medicine. But most participants sign up just to receive weekly reflections on this effort to become better men.
Next year we are going to work through the Jungian classic “King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine” by Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette. The book is 30 years old. It is a dated text. We are going to dig in, learn what there is to learn, and seek ways to update what needs to be updated for our practice.
Brené says that a wild heart can straddle the tension of staying awake to the struggle, to what is challenging, to the work of justice. While also cultivating its own moments of joy.
She asks whether we are willing to show up and be seen when we can’t control the outcome? Because that is true vulnerability. And we know that we have been conditioned into a cultural masculinity that is terrified of being vulnerable.
However, to brave the wilderness we must dare to stand alone, brave criticism, fear and hurt. Not because we are called to be the lone wolf. But because truth will often demand courage. Because this is what it means to stand for change.
Read MoreI think of “holding” and “grounding” as core capacities of conscious masculinity. On our last call. Before election day. When we had no idea what the outcome would be. And many of us were concerned about civil unrest. We spent time preparing to show up as conscious men during times of uncertainty.
Read MoreTomorrow is a big day. And it will be partly informed by a struggle to define masculinity. Will it be the blustering macho caricature that sits in the White House today, or will it be something else?
I am so glad that we will be in each other’s company tonight. It is likely that we will have turmoil and uncertainty for weeks to come. (I would be very glad to be wrong about this!) It is a perfect time to be intentional about who we choose to be. A perfect time to practice what conscious masculinity looks like in times of turmoil
Read MoreOur next call is on Monday before the election. It is a perfect time to step away from the fray and bring our attention to who we are becoming. Not because of an election. But because of our purpose and intention. Our commitment to become better men.
I was struck by research on voting and the gender gap (Michael Sokolove opinion piece behind NY Times paywall). It seems that:
Women tend to cast votes based on what they perceive as the overall benefit to the nation and their communities. Men are more self-interested.
Read MoreAlica Garza’s book, “The Purpose of Power” will be released tomorrow. She is one of the founders of the Black Lives Matter movement. It is striking that just days before her book will be published, the excerpt that The Guardian chose to run is an excerpt on patriarchy.
It is short. And it invites deep self-reflection.
Alicia’s is one of those prophetic voices of our day. She is also more than her words. She brings a presence and a transmission that is medicine to our movements. It is a powerful feminine energy. She reminds us that: “We bring the things that shape us, consciously and unconsciously, everywhere we go.” For us that is patriarchy.
Read MoreThere is a link between patriarchy and white supremacy. I am not saying that white people have a monopoly on patriarchy. But I am saying that patriarchy enables white supremacy. Listening to Davis we see how a specific perspective, a way of being supported by guns, germs and steel, became the force that now shapes the course of human history.
Read MoreI contend that the crisis of masculinity is connected to modernity’s break from our practices of initiation. Initiation is but one form of ceremony. But it has historically been the central way in which boys are welcomed into manhood. It is how we know we belong. It is how we learn of our responsibilities. It is how we connect to the cosmology of our lineage.
Initiation can be a healthy way to harness the sometimes dangerous masculine energy that starts to move through us as testosterone floods our bodies. Modernity robbed most of us of the ceremonial rituals that help to define manhood.
Read MoreI’ve been a bit quiet this past few weeks. It hasn’t been an easy time. And it will be good to be in your company tonight. The turn from summer to fall holds so much meaning in our culture. It is good to seize the energy of “getting to work,” “getting back to school,” “starting again” ideally refreshed.
Read MoreLet’s continue to look into how men relate to women with power. Last week we looked at the way Alexandria Ocasio Cortez was disrespected by her fellow Congressman, Representative Yoho. And the dignity of her response.
Kate Manne of the NY Times says that there is nothing radical about a woman vice president. She says that in our culture Women Can Have a Little Power, as a Treat.
Read MoreIf you’ve already seen Alexandria Ocasio Cortez response to Rep. Yoho’s misogyny, go ahead and see it again. Her clarity, courage and exemplary dignity call all of us to a higher place. It brings me back to the question we asked some time ago, what would it look like for men to take a public stance against misogyny. Something like “Un Violador en tu Camino.”
Read MoreOne of our friends sent me a link to the “Make Women Great Again” convention. The “mansplaining event of the century.” To be fair, we are both wondering if this is one of those brilliant left wing hoaxes that exposes the darker side of the right. But it looks pretty real to me.
Read MoreThe construction of whiteness has anti-blackness at its very heart. So we need to distinguish between whiteness and the cultural tradition that is shared by white people (as well as by those who have come under centuries of white domination.) These are also thoroughly intertwined. It will be hard work to tease them apart. But there is something about the aspirations of western liberalism, about the conceptualization of rights, about the ideals of democracy, that are now as important as ever.
Read MoreI trust you had a powerful weekend. We had the Juneteenth of an Uprising. A New Moon. And eclipse. And the Solstice.
Our ancestors paid close attention to these cosmological events. It was a way to make sense of what is happening here on earth. There is wisdom in your body. Animal wisdom. Ancestral wisdom. It’s right there. Always there. Tune in. Place close attention.
Read MoreIt is powerful to be alive in this moment of reckoning. Hope and exhilaration are fuel for this uprising. And let us also remember that grief is a part of it. The generational accumulation of grief and rage.
Last week Tuesday and I launched an online workshop titled “What Should White People Do?” tonight’s focus is on “Learning how to Hold.” How to hold yourself, how to hold others, how to withstand rage.
When I think of archetypal masculine energy (independent of gender) I think of the capacity to anchor and to hold.
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