A Crystal Ball of Contradictions

“Many of us are in transition right now. Or, rather, many of us want to be in transition right now but we actually feel stuck right where we are… We know that we have to take steps but don’t know where we want to go or how to get there, so it’s hard to know where to place our feet.

This is why the idea of ‘visioning’ is so attractive - it gives us a direction, a goal. We imagine a future where we are clear and living our best life. And once we have an idea of that target, we can begin to build a path to get there. But in these wild times, many of us are failing to even have a vision. We’re ready to let our arrow fly toward our targeted vision but the fog is so deep in front of us that we can’t even see the direction of the bullseye! 

… When that’s the case, I suggest that we put away our vision boards, forget the ideas of targets and arrows and bullseyes, stop looking for that crystal ball that will tell us the future and, instead, remember who we are. 

Remembering who we are, means that we are never truly stuck or lost. Uncertain, sure. Plagued by doubt, absolutely. But lost, nope. We can’t get lost when we remember that we have a home right here within ourselves. All we have to do is remember ourselves, and we are there.”

In early December I shared “The Lie of the Butterfly” with you. Tuesday Ryan-Hart’s piece on the discomforts of transformation. Today I’m sharing her follow-up piece, A Crystal Ball of Contradictions, “six things to do to bring clarity in the midst of contradictions.”

2006 was the hardest year of my life. EVERYTHING came apart. And I was sent into depths of grief I have not known since. It was also the year I was born into the person you are coming to know. It was a total breakdown that led to the most liberating spiritual breakthrough.

By the end of that year, I moved away from politics to start consulting and facilitating. And in the fall of 2007 I met my mentor, the Michael Jordan of facilitation. I learned that the facilitation game was so much bigger than I had imagined. I learned that this is work that could change lives. I knew right then that I was born to do what he did.

I found my goal.

I aimed for it.

And I did everything I could to attain it.

I built a beautiful life doing beautiful work.

But change never stops. And a few years ago I started to yearn to do something else, to work with different people in a different way. So I started to look for my next goal. I needed something clear to aim at. I wanted to “get after it,” but I could not quite find the “it.”

I would be seduced by some idea or other. Could I build an online course platform? Could I figure out how to become some combination of Seth Godin, Tim Ferriss and yes, Tony Robbins (a little embarrassing, but we are being honest here!) I even tried starting a business.

Nothing was working. I could not find the “it.”

Which is why I’m sharing Tuesday’s piece. Because I finally came to understand that “what got me here won’t get me there.” That even my approach to change would have to change. I was not going to find a goal to aim at. I had to let go of the idea of something out there in the future that I could start to chase.

I came to understand that I am being called to listen. To slow down rather than speed up. To return home to my Self. To pay attention to what is emergent. To become more like the lion trackers that Boyd Varty talks about: “I may not know where I’m going but I know exactly how to get there.” It’s not a specific place, it’s a “track,” it is alive, and it is rich with information. Life itself shows you the way when you are quiet enough to listen.

It is a lot less comfortable than the certainty of a clear goal. It demands many more times the trust. But it is by far the better bet. Because no matter what happens, you will come home to your truest Self.

Enjoy Tuesday’s piece, and find the courage to live your way into it.

If you are new to the newsletter, you should know that Tuesday Ryan-Hart is my fiancé, the love of my life. She is my confidant and often my guide. She is one of the most courageous people I know. I can assure you that what she is speaking is real. I see her working it, showing up for it, surrendering to it, living this way every.single.day.

Tuesday is not just my life partner. She is a life-changing coach to a lucky few (time to get on her coaching waitlist!) We get to work together sometimes. And we especially love doing work with couples who want to deepen their intimacy, strengthen their relationship, and do the individual work necessary to show up more fully for each other, their family, and their community. You can write to me directly if you want to learn more about this more exclusive part of what we do.