In the magic that is synchronicity, it turns out that I am preparing for our men’s call on magic at the same time that I am preparing to interview adrienne maree brown on her new book: Fables and Spells.
Those of you who have been with us know that the very launch of the Better Men Project was inspired by her essay: relinquishing the patriarchy. It was the first text we worked through together.
Read MoreLet’s get back to magic. You are a meant to be a Warrior. You are meant to be a King. You are meant to be a Lover.
AND you are meant to be a Magician.
But what could that possibly mean in this post-modern age. Thes days when Marvel movies are the closest we can come to touch myth?
Read MoreI was recently “called-in” by a very dear friend who identifies as a queer woman. Her question was “where are the men?”
The Better Men Project is built to be an alternative to the perils of virtue signaling and “performative wokeness.” Many of us have become wise enough to turn away from the madness of cancel culture. We don’t believe in exile. We believe in the possibility of restoration and transformation.
Read MoreWhat is feminist sex? Have you even considered the question?
I’m not even pretending to have an answer. But I know that there is a rich conversation (argument? debate?) about it in the feminist world.
I think it merits our attention.
Read MoreI am excited that both Bruce and Chris decided to step up and hold our men’s gathering tonight!
This is the first time the Better Men Project gathers without my holding the space. I am looking forward to hearing about it.
Bruce and Chris have been consistent participants of our Monday gathering, and I am sure you will bring your best, most honest selves to this time together.
Please do show up, and let’s see what we learn from this experiment.
Read MoreGreetings from the Sundance Resort in Provo, Utah, where I am facilitating the Creative Change Retreat, a curated intersection of artists and activists.
Last month’s call on men and abortion was quite potent. Thank you for continuing to show up.
I write because I will not be able to host our scheduled monthly gathering in either August or September.
Read MoreSlavery would not have been abolished without a movement of white abolitionists.
Bodies cannot be dominated by the state.
It is a woman’s right to have full and complete say over her body.
The right to abortion is often presented as a woman’s issue.
We, as men who are striving to be better, must therefore get clear about our role at a time when these rights have been taken away.
Read MoreThe Supreme Court’s decision to take away a woman’s right over her body cannot be seen as a woman’s issue.
We cannot be the Better Men Project without addressing the issue.
This month we will pause our study of King, Warrior, Magician, Lover and take a dive into what this ruling means for the men’s movement.
Read MoreWhat do you know about Terry Crews? I can’t say I’ve followed his career closely. But I’ve been impressed by the way he talks about his journey and his growth.
Tim Ferriss has interviewed him a couple of times. And here I’m sharing an episode where he talks about his journey to true power.
Terry does a good job of moving us through his journey from being an utterly angry and selfish man to being a man who can finally acknowledge his own weaknesses and vulnerabilities.
Read MoreNow we begin our contemplation of the Magician that lives inside of you. The Magician that must be conjured as you become a conscious man.
What is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word “magician?”
Read More“If we are accessing the Warrior appropriately, we will be energetic, decisive, courageous, enduring, persevering, and loyal to some greater good beyond our own personal gain.”
We also know what it’s like to dream but not to be able to act. To lack decisiveness and vigor. To be unable to endure. To stare blankly at the screen. To duck and dive. To feel defeated before we even start.
We know what it’s like to be in the shadow of the Warrior. And we know what it’s like to access the power of this archetype.
Read MoreThank you for being flexible with your calendars. I am looking forward to our call tonight. We will be taking a look at the shadow of the Warrior Archetype and how it shows up in our Iives.
You can look here for our earlier reflection on The Shadow of the Warrior. Come with a sense of how these shadows tend to manifest in your own life. Let’s share our stories with each other. Let’s keep nurturing the space of trust, healing, witnessing and becoming better.
Read MoreWe are on to another powerful section in our slow and careful contemplation of “King, Warrior, Magician, Lover.” In the sub-section titled: The Shadow Warrior: The Sadist and the Masochist (pages 88-94), we are asked to look at some of the darkest, most brutal parts of this archetype.
It is here that I remind us that we turn towards this work with the courage to look deeply inside of ourselves. We are not here to imagine that evil exists in some manifestation of patriarchy outside of ourselves, in a world of ignorant men who have not seen the light we’ve seen. We are here to consider how each and every part of this archetype is present inside each and every one of us.
We are asked to consider how our violence shows up when we are unable to be “tender and genuinely intimate.” How this spirit shows up when we are frightened and very angry. How “men are right to fear the Coward within them, even if they don’t have the sense to fear their macho exteriors.”
But we are also shown how “the man who becomes obsessed with ‘succeeding’ has already failed.” And how an obsessive-compulsive drive for performance can be just another manifestation of the fear that hinges between sadism and masochism.
I do this work with you because I know the violence inside of me.
Our call is tonight. We’ll keep diving into our exploration of the Warrior archetype. The section of King, Warrior, Magician, Lover titled “The Warrior in His Fullness” (pp 79-88) is particularly rich. We are going to stay here for a while. Much ground is covered.
The text is dated, and some of its assumptions can be jarring and distracting. But what we are mining for is for those parts that cause a stirring in our soul as read. What is it that moves us as we encounter the archetype of the Warrior?
Read MoreI’m reading The Lion Tracker's Guide to Life (podcast link) and I think it is a powerful read on this journey towards conscious masculinity. I am starting to see more of my work as a tracker. In the healing, coaching, and facilitation work, I keep aiming to tune into the track and where it is that it wants to take us.
I am trying to know less about “where I’m going” when I’m doing this work, but to know more about “how to get there.” It is about the path showing the way, from right here, from right where you are.
Not all boys are the same. It is possible that you were not a kid that was fascinated by the heroic warrior. If so, it will be interesting to consider how you did relate to the archetype as it showed up in the world around you.
I certainly was captivated by the archetype. And I can see the way my son is similarly moved by it. If this is also true for you, take a moment to bring yourself back to your childhood encounters with the warrior. Who were the warriors that captured your imagination? What was so captivating? How did it impact your view of yourself? How did you imagine yourself as a warrior?
Read MoreHola brothers. It’s my birthday today. I’m on day 5 of a five-day fast. And I’ll sit in ceremony tonight. This year, my born day coincides with Mahashivaratri. The Feast of Lord Shiva, my chosen deity, and the very source of my initiation 18 years ago.
I bring it up here because it is of great meaning to me, and so are you, and this work we’ve been doing together over the years.
Shiva embodies the masculine pole in the tantric tradition. There is endless revelation in his grounded, perfect stillness. And there is gorgeous bliss in the rhythm of his dance. There is much to learn in the way he loves the goddess.
Anger is a place we go to when we feel hurt or vulnerable. What I like about her reflection is that she is inviting not to judge the emotion, but to sit with it long enough to see what’s behind it.
This is advice that turns a problem on its head. Next time you feel anger, first, seek a place of safety, a place where you are safe, but most importantly, a place where you are not a danger to others. Excuse yourself. Move away from the situation. And sit with the emotion long enough to find out what’s behind it.
This is a most honest way of coming in touch with yourself. A way of coming to know yourself. And a way to turn an emotion that is often a problem into a gateway to more freedom and better manhood.
Last week, at the end of our call, you were encouraged to tell someone that you love them within 24hrs of our close.
We devoted the call to the archetype of the King. We sought to embody our sovereign self.
On this project to become better men, we have been working to identify with that part of ourselves that holds our dignity.
The idea is to practice saying: “I love you.” And to speak it from a place inside of us that is centered and calm. A place where we can love and honor ourselves. We trust that there is an inner authority here, and that it is from here that we can bless ourselves and others.
Read MoreWhen you think of a king, do you think about kings in human history? Are there kings in the realms of fantasy that hold a place in your imagination? How about kings in the religious and mystical realms?
We think of kings, their success and their power, their legends, their failures, overthrows and their evil deeds. We think of thrones and the struggles for these thrones.
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